From order to chaos, and back again

For me  painting is pretty much a balance between chaos and order. The white empty canvas just makes me nervous and paralyzed, so I have to soil the surface in any way possible. Most often with a black and white pattern, -and then paint it over. Again. But with a thin layer of a color that I like for the moment. I went from order, to chaos and then back to something close to order again. Many times I have hoped there was an easier way, but I guess I just have to accept, this is the way I work, and it is a part of me and my way to express myself.